Show and Tell

just a re-post of the banned blog...the objections as you can imagine came from the jesus zombie cult. i'll post it again, in the interests of free speech. i'm not going to go on about it...but i will say this. how dare you take a big shit on the memory of this poor girl by suggesting the very 'god' who caused her to suffer so terribly then hang herself in her back yard was 'loved by god'. HOW DARE YOU! now...i have no objections to the kind of insanity you espouse...you want to believe in a fictional being in the sky, then that's your business. you want to believe a giant white toaster created the universe, that is your call. but you DARE to come here and crap on this poor girl's memory by bringing that horseshit here...then i promise you, i will find you, hunt you down, and take it out of your hide. you believe what you like at home...but you bring that godjesus child murdering crap out into the real world, where it can be heard by children, then you have me to answer to. what you don't understand is...children are impressionable. they believe this fictional bullshit. so...keep it to yourself. 'god' clearly did not 'love' this little girl...no father in his right mind would allow his child to suffer in this way. there is no god...so stop suggesting there is. no god would create the world...then cause such horror. BUT...if there is a god...i would say by now he's feeling pretty guilty lately, with some of the horror he has allowed in the world. perhaps, like Kurtz, he wants Willard to come and put him out of his misery. Well...I am the man to do it. When I die...I will find this poor excuse for a creator, and I will take the time to hear him out. & then? I will tear him a new one. There is NO excuse for allowing children to suffer like this. NONE. This 'god', if he exists, may well feel guilt. I will gladly put him out of his misery. Who knows...maybe I was born to put right this sort of horror. hold the 'father' accountable. But...I really don't believe in him. (it's not a her...no woman would allow children to suffer.) So...I admit...I am angry there was no one to care for this girl, and I am angry with the jesus humpers actually trying to tel me that 'god loved her'. Utter utter crap. 'god hated her- or he would never have let her suffer like this. For all the children in the world who have suffered thus...i feel you. & I will stand up for you. i will not abandon you like this furry freak 'god' has.

RIP: Katelyn Nicole Davis. Our so called 'god' tormented you, then left you to die like a dog hanging from a tree. And now his demons have done their level best to ensure I don't post about it. Well...this was pretty heavy going to write...and you will no doubt find it a heavy going read. So...proceed with caution. The typeface is not what I would like...you will no doubt see evidence of god's demons work throughout the text...but I fought to post it. I think it is important...& I think this poor little 12 year old and her suffering need to be acknowledged. I think this is so heartbreaking...I'm not sure I did the girl justice. But I did try...I am certainly satisfied i did more than our so called 'loving god', who so loved his children, he makes them suffer, then die in the most inhumane manner possible. Suffer the children indeed.

Yes...I am ANGRY. I have no objection to god coming after me...I know he hates my guts. & that is fine...I am a big boy. But to make children suffer like this. Shame on you. SHAME on you, for turning your back on this poor soul. RIP, sweet one...



OK...so...if you're having a happy day?  Please don't read this. 

Because the news is not good. 

Don't let me spoil your vibe...go and dance with the pixies, or fiddle with your little bits of whatnot...

whatever you do with your life.  It's cool, don't you know.

This one is about Katelyn Nicole Davis, who has posted to the Live Me app, claiming she was physically and sexually abused by a relative then filmed herself taking her own life.  

Now...as you know, I have no objection to suicide.

Not if it's done right.

Funny...some people go their entire lives never contemplating suicide. 
That's fantastic.  But if you have been raped and tortured as a child...then you will know what it is like to have death and nightmares for your constant companions. That's just the way it is. 

This young lady...like so many others...was sexually abused, apparently. 

Take it from me...once you are raped...you are fucked for life.  Sexual abuse does something to your brain, that's all there is to it.  Yes it's sad...& there is not much anyone can do about it.

Trust me, when you have been abused...the battle to reclaim your brain goes on the rest of your life.

And once you start talking about suicide...you are instantly marginalized as a human being.

I have plenty of FB friends...but flesh and blood ones?  People here by my side?  None.  The Unforgiven live alone.  

So I know what this girl was going through.

It is tough when you have an illness through no fault of your own that marginalizes you and lances all your friends from your life.

One day you look around...& you are alone.


(oh...to be fair, it's not that bad.  I'm social enough.  A writer generally must live alone, and even as a kid, I preferred to be alone.  The teachers thought I had a mental disorder...or was autistic.  Maybe they were right.  But I can't get away with feeling sorry for myself...not really.  It's not true.  I do OK.)

But I get it, Katelyn.

I have been so alone...it threatened NEVER to make sense. 

I know what it is like...your only lifeline being the internet.

& it can be a tenuous link.  

you can tend to misuse it.

That's just the way it is.

As I said...I have no problem with suicide; sometimes it is the only way to shut out the demons.

I'm lucky...I've been there, but I have my FB mates, and the love of the word to keep me occupied.

Which is why I am writing this.

Sadly...the internet has a dark side, and this is the real tragedy; that this girl felt compelled to post her suicide for others to see.

And there are plenty of vampires out there who devour this type of shit.

The thing is...when you have been abused...your soul cries for the help you never got when it was happening.  

Eventually...that cry becomes a scream, and it gets out into the world in all sorts of ways.

I hear you...sure...sometimes I bang on about it too much.  You could argue...it is like masturbating in public...Self indulgent.  

No...it's more like...taking a dump in your hand and showing it to people. I'm sure that's how my stuff comes across sometimes...a self indulgent mess.    

It's cool.  I get it.

But it keeps me alive...and every day I'm alive, is another chance to contribute something to society, rather than take from it.

To help, rather than hinder.

To love, rather than hate.  

You see...this 'shit' of mine...

It might also be 'good shit'.  To someone.

Fertiliser.

One day I will write something that will touch someone, perhaps make them think again about taking their own life.

They might change their heart, turn it all around.

You never know.

We live in hope.

I get it...I get what makes people want to do it...

But...I say stick around...you never know what might happen.

You just NEVER know what might be around the corner.

Could be love.

Could be success.

Could be you...stepping into the fullness of your being, as Antoine De St Exupery said.

Could be.

HOWEVER...if you really can't cope...

then by all means, move along.

But DON'T tape it.

What is it that compels so many young people to film it?

(I can feel a sense of deja vu...I have said this before.

I will no doubt say it again.  When you get that feeling...I am telling you...you are in touch with your core being.

That part of you...that indicates who you truly are, at your core.

That part of you that transcends time and space.

Travels from one lifetime to another, from one reality to another.

It is where your authentic soul being criss crosses and zig zags intersecting across all the infinite possibilities in the multiverse of your being.  And for me...

it is worth sticking around for.)

I get why this little girl killed herself...

if you have been raped...it is hard to find anyone who gives a good goddamn.  I know it.  & that is just fine by me.

BECAUSE...people who have been raped suffer the kind of damage to the brain that can make you a little tricky to live with.

That's fine...that's just the way it is.

It is not our fault...it's just the way of things.

It's a cruel world, and you will carry your demons forever, if you do not find a way to reach out for help.

Find the help you need.

You CAN find the help you need...but you have to make the first move, and you have to meet people half way...

& it has to be a sustained campaign...

no giving up...

You have to stay in for the long haul...commit...if you REALLY want to reach out to your fellow man, and re-enter society.

It's tooth and nail out there; you have to fight.

Compassion will not be swinging by your sofa any time soon.  It will not be streaming through your TV or computer to scoop you up and carry you to salvation.

It's an old fashioned FIGHT.

This little girl was desperate.

She took her life...

& filming it...was a cry for help.  In my opinion.

I have been there.

Ultimately?  In that moment of decision?

You are on your own.

Sadly...she was too young to be able to see beyond her actions.

See another side.

It's like a kind of...fame.

Fame is a distorted version of the attention you need when you have been marginalized and sequestered.

If you can't find fame (attention/compassion) by solid, productive, creative means that contribute something to the world...

You can resort to...say...murder.  

Or a televised suicide.

These are the desperate actions of a soul in torment that has not...or CANNOT think things through.

The consequences for others....

Are significant.  

And irreversible.   

Suicide is not selfish...

Filming your death by your own hand IS.

It influences others.

Equally impressionable.

And hurts the one you love.

This is NOT the legacy you want.

But Katelyn's brain was not mature enough to process all these intricacies, and nuances, and the damage done to her thought processes by her rapist most certainly did not help.

I wish this poor desperate little one peace.

When they do this...when young people take their own lives...
they often think they are teaching someone a lesson.

& after that lesson is over...

they will come back...to a better world.

Hey...maybe young Katelyn will find a better place...maybe she will find the peace in death and afterlife she could not find in this life. Maybe.  But this is NOT the legacy you want to leave behind.

The mess she has left behind...

It's heartbreaking.

All I can say is...

I can understand suicide.  I totally understand wanting to shut those demons down forever.

To finally accept that god hates your guts...

& turn out the lights.

But PLEASE...

However you choose to go...

Do NOT film it for posterity.

Because THAT is the only selfish part of suicide.

If you cannot think of yourself...

please think of others.

But take my word for it...

LIFE- no matter how bad it is- is always better than hurting others.

Stay alive...even if you need to write dark grisly stuff like this to do it. 

Even if the only thing you can do is do a poo in your hand...

& show everybody like a big baby.

It's Freudian.

& babies...eventually...grow up.

They HAVE to.

The challenge can be irresistible, and the rewards??

Delicious.

Tap into your true self...the very core of your being...

plug in...

& let it go.

It's the shtiznae.