Australia calling

 

 

This is Australia calling.

Thank you again for all your encouragement & support. 

 

Now that I have a handle on the book, I will continue to polish it, to try to get it just right; however, it doesn't really have a satisfying ending.

I figure once I have that, then everything else will come together.

Many writers make sure they know the ending before they start; however, not this little black duck. This is not a work of fiction, it is my life, so I don't really know what the ending is.

I guess none of us do.

But I figure it would be wise to at least move in the direction of a satisfying denouement.  

Which is where you guys come in.

Now, I have to admit, I never imagined I would ever write a book worth anybody reading- but now it seems I have.  I always hated my writing, almost as much as I hated myself.   But now, I have written something that could easily sit on the shelf alongside Celine, Vonnegut, Brautigan, Saroyan, & you can imagine how hard it is for someone like to me to give myself any kind of credit.

For anything.

 

& I am even beginning to feel that I might just be a person of value.   When you begin to do the work you are truly meant to do, it is gradually empowering.  It gives you a reason to live.

It's about evolution; changing many generations of patterned behaviour, and making the choice to break that pattern, and lead a new way of life. 
 

Which is why this process is so protracted, and so laborious. It is good old fashioned hard work, and I appreciate you hanging in there with me. 

I am doing what I was made to do; I was put here to write, and to create, and to evolve, and serve.

I might have come to it a little late, but I had a few issues to deal with along the way, as you know.  As we all have.  I'm nothing special. 
 

And my development as a person has a great deal to do with you.

Who would have thought, my FB friends would save my life.

But they have; you kept me alive, when there was really no good reason to do so; & you helped me find within myself what I needed to realise my lifelong dream, writing a book worth a damn, and I appear to have done that.

 

Now...I call upon you again.

 

I have always had to do things alone; I never felt worth a damn, so I never expected or imagined I was worthy of help. To be fair, even when it was offered, I usually rejected it- for a variety of reasons, most of which you will be familiar with.

Most of which stem from a sense of unworthiness.

This is not new- I didn't invent it, lots of people struggle with it.

But, I'm tired of it. 

I am worthy, or you wouldn't be here; you don't hang out with dickheads.

There must be something of value here, so I will explore that. 

Instead of walking away from me in my time of need, as many people have (& I do NOT blame them), you have stood by me.   Never giving up.

There are a couple of comments in particular that have stuck with me, and inspired me to keep going. One friend said,

 

'You are a truly a man of understanding & honest truth and (amongst other qualities you have) I admire that so much xx'

Another said, 'You have come so far... I can truly feel the difference in your energy and the mojo of you with how it touches me. I am blown away by how you have evolved so much and continue to do so...that perpetual child who is still learning and going about life now with wide-eyed innocence. You are a strong man. A very beautiful and shiny soul.  I've always fought for you and stood by you because I have always seen that in you...to know what is there and to wait for the full metamorphosis "of you" to come fully about.'

And another comment, 'You are far too interesting a person to let go of without a bit of a fight.'

WOW.  What amazing words.  People- decent human beings- took time to tell me these things. 

Some of them I have wronged in the past. 

In sickness and in health...

 

 

What strength; what integrity.  To stand by a person, no matter what they do. 

 

BUT- this kind of goodwill cannot go on forever.

These people are not playthings. 
 

 

If at some point, you do not show at least some effort to make manifest what these people see in you, then you deserve to be dumped like a hot log. 

 

In the nearest sewer.

Fight for me?

 

Wow. 

 

You fight for me?

 

Then I fight for you. 

 

Mankind IS worth fighting for; you have shown me that, time and again. 

Despite my shitty start, my crappy middle act- it is worth making good.

 

It's about redemption.

 

And one person's redemption works for ALL of us.

 

'Changing the world, one person at a time', I said of one of my friends.   

 

Wow.  People here are willing to FIGHT for me?

 

Do you realise how much words like this mean to a guy who was raised by his father to think he was an eternal piece of shit?

Do you imagine for a second I would turn around a take a big dump all over these words?

No...I am going to embrace them; because if you believe in me, if you think I am WORTH fighting for, then I am going to build on my progress, and continue to heal, and grow, and contribute and serve.

Sure, what I have may be genetic, even watching Superman Returns the other night, where Lex Luther says "Crystals, they're amazing aren't they?  They inherit the traits of the minerals around them, kind of like a son inheriting the traits of his FATHER!!"

 

So this stuff weaves it's way into every nook and cranny of our culture.  

 

That's because it IS pervasive. 

 

Maybe the strong amongst us can talk back to our genes.

The weak, obviously, cannot. But the strong...

CAN.

I want to be strong.  I want to PROVE it, not just claim it.

You give me the strength I need to find the strength I need within me.

Now, I owe it to you and myself to take the ball and run with it even further; not rest on the laurels of a realised dream, a finished book, but to keep on going.

 

Doing something for others, rather than for myself.

Given that a crucial element of this book, of my film, and indeed my life story is to be able to look outside myself and my own interests, and apply my energy to the interests of others.

It is no secret- and many of you have figured this out- that one useful way of overcoming existential angst is to direction your attention to the health and well being of others.

I never quite got this; I mean, I understood it in theory, but understanding something is not the same as acting upon it, making it happen.

I am ready to make it happen, but I need your help.

In another life, I used to run charity walks raising money against youth suicide.  So I know and take a deep breath when I think of what I am proposing. 

I want to do a walk somewhere in America- preferably in a desert- where I can shine a light on some of these issues, and try to bring about some change in the mindset of those humans who cause damage to other human beings. 

 

In particular, children. 

 

You know my position on child abuse; it causes an enormous amount of damage, and I can say this from experience.  It causes an incalculable about of harm, to the victim, and to those around the victim for the rest of their lives. 

 

I think we all accept that; & agree.  & no doubt, we are all in agreement that raising money for the financing of measures designed to put an end to child abuse are good things. 

 

Everything from research into the effects of abuse, counselling for abusers, and support services for victims.  All good stuff. 

 

The trick is, convincing people to participate.    

You see, in my experience, it is hard to mount a charity walk.  In this country, I had to go through a POWER of shit to get people to get involved. 

 

That's just the way it is; no point getting upset about it. 

 

My job is to make it WORTH people getting involved. 

 

My job is to INSPIRE them, not get shitty and dirty because I cannot make it so.

 

For that is MY fault- not theirs. 

 

I have to make it attractive. 

 

Early days; & my view is, it is not as if people do not care- they are exhausted from caring; what is it- compassion fatigue??

 

Nowadays, I am thinking that people care now, more than ever.  Not all people, but enough care about our future to make it worthwhile.

But they have to be sold on the idea.

 

It is not enough to simply say child abuse is bad.  People know that, and to act as if they don't, is to insult their intelligence.  So this is a given.

 

It is not enough to say you 'want to raise money';  how much money?  How?  And where does the money go?  etc etc etc...

 

That is the point of this missive.  To establish the guidelines for a massive charity push on behalf of the abused in our society- both the young, and the old. 

 

All ages. 

 

Families, friends, and the wider community. 

 

Because abuse causes psychological damage that cannot be calculated or measured, and touches every corner of society.

 

So...it's about the project, and it's perceived value.    

Here is the deal; I love to walk.  And walk.  And walk.  It’s one thing I love to do.  I’m not good at much in life, but I can walk like a mofo.  

 

I guess I have spent my life wandering- lost.  I figure, if I’m going to be wandering anyway…might as well wander with a good reason. 

‘WACA’. 

 

Walk Against Child Abuse.

 

Along those lines, anyway.   

As a victim myself, who has suffered the consequences of abuse, I would like to not only prove the effects of torture, rape and violence can not only be overcome-

 

But the victim can survive, thrive, and move onto a place where they are NO LONGER a victim...

 

But a SURVIVOR.

 

 

I am proposing that even when a human being has lost it all, and has seemingly nothing left to give…whatever the reasons…when they stand at the precipice, they can either dive into the chasm, the abyss and join the dark forces of hatred, fear, loathing, or they can suck it up and get out there. 

 

Try again.  Have another go. 

 

Try to contribute something to society…even if you think you have nothing. 

Anything that comes from the heart…no matter how outlandish…has to be better than taking the lazy route of surrender to those dark forces. 

 

For then...the abuser wins. 

 

& they DO NOT deserve to. 

 

 

I have seen people cringe when I propose a charity walk.

There are always a million excuses; too hard, too involved, too busy, no one will care…

I would say now they HAVE to care.

We have to TRY things.  And why is this idea any worse than anyone else’s, just because it seems old, worn out?

Done to death?

‘Not another walk!’

Normally I would dismiss this idea, saying it is ‘too hard’, or it ‘won’t work’.  However, these are not normal times.  As a society, I don’t think we have a choice anymore. 

 

 

A walk.  A long walk.  

Where, exactly?  What distance?  How will it be done?

I’m not sure yet. Early days. 

Cairns has always been on my list; I have long held a dream that I might walk from the top end, right down to the bottom. HOWEVER- there is a distinct lack of interest.

I know for a fact that an old friend of mine did something similar, a charity endurance exercise from the top to the bottom, and she almost killed herself for very little return. And she was 100, even 1000 times the person I am. So, if I were to attempt something similar, I would need a little bit of interest- just a whisker- because nothing worth doing can be done alone.

A walk between Vegas and Los Angeles? There is a little more interest.

But there is even MORE interest in a walk around Lake Michigan.

Which is why I turn my sights on America. I love it there, and the people are can do. Things of this type are more likely to get done, and quicker; it's a bit like, why do Aussies go to Hollywood to work in film? Because America does it so well.

America does these types of visionary things so well.

America has the resources and the can do attitude for this type of thing, whereas, even if Australia had the resources, she would not spend it on films, culture, arts, charity walks, etc.

It's not a criticism- countries, like people, are simply different- that's all.

In Australia, some people are only now waking up to the reality of mental illness. Most doctors here don't even think it exists. They think it is like ghosts, or UFO's;

 

I love Edwin in 'Hotel Sorrento', who suggests, 'Take Hamlet; an Australian could never have written that.  You'd have Hamlet walking on the stage, saying 'Cut the bullshit, I don't believe in ghosts, and the whole thing would be over in a couple of minutes'. 

 

Aussies are often sceptical, to the point of paralysis. 

 

This scenario illustrates not only the scepticism in a nutshell, but indeed the attitude to any kind of artistic or creative thinking. This isn't simple sour grapes- I will do my art, my writing in a cave on the walls in my own blood if I have to- nor is it a judgement; this is simply reality;

Let me STRESS this...I take a very dim view of tossers who run away to other countries then take a giant dump on their own country.  I would never do that.  The fact is- most Aussie Doctor's would not know a mental illness if it reared up and bit them on the arse.  And many of them do. 

Psychiatrists for the most part have no idea.  I had one once that just sat there like a stale bottle of urine, saying nothing.  Most medicos don't believe there is any such thing as mental illness.  So, this is the facts- we don't do understanding mental illness well.  The general prescription is 'SNAP OUT OF IT', which displays a very rudimentary understanding of the complexities indeed. 

America has a much better understanding of the phenomena.  And it's the same with the arts; it is no secret Australia has very little interest in the arts; we are mainly interested in the booze and football industry.  We don't even make cars anymore.  & we once LOVED them. 
   

America KNOWS art exists, is not fantomas, and that is why there is a factory town devoted to one arm of it.   Just as she KNOWS mental illness exists- for they have had it in their oval office many times over their history, and are about to get another dose of it, with potentially the worst Wetiko in history about to take the title- but they realise the extent to which it threatens the future of mankind, & they are actively devoting resources to doing something about it.

If it were down to our so called medical specialists, in this country, I would be dead. 

Part of the reason I am still alive is my connection with America. 

 

Why don't I piss off there?  Because I love my country, & would like to do more work in the field of mental illness, domestic abuse, child torture, etc, and bring what I have learned back. 

I accept my country may not want to know about it...but I can only try. 

America has done nothing but try to help me. 

 

Australia?  Ambivalent.  Anachronistic.  Stubborn, and set in old thinking. 

Not the country's fault- you wouldn't belt an infant for being naiive. 

Our culture- white man's culture- is in it's infancy, and seeing as how we have basically refused to pay any attention to indigenous wisdom- we seem to be cutting and pasting our own shit together. 

If I am going to cut and paste something together- then give me the US; because at least they are OPEN to new ideas.  Sure, this allows a lot of crap, and you see this on the internet, but America will listen to your idea, no matter how outlandish. 

 

America actually listens to people who have something to say about child abuse, who have 'been there', who know something about where it comes from, they see what a threat to humanity it is, and they are doing something about it, on a grass roots level. We cannot control who gets into the oval office, that is true, but thank god it does not matter. Because as the world gets madder, mental illness spreads, the PEOPLE will speak, and will rise up against the tide of insanity.

As Professor Barnhardt says to Klaatu, "Well that's where we are. You say we're on the brink of destruction and you're right.  But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. This is our moment. Don't take it from us, we are close to an answer.'

 

This, from a Hollywood movie.  It is easy to trash Hollywood movies, but there are times when there is the most profound wisdom contained therein.  

 

America is responsible for some unimaginable horrors; but what wisdom, what insight their eclecticism provides.  Even by accident, America is capable of the most extraordinary profundity. 

 

There is a saying, 'go where the action is', and that is what I am doing.

As you have been so supportive, I will call upon you again.

I can do this alone, if I have to; but I thought it was worth asking for help; reaching out, to see if anyone knew anybody who might be able to assist.

Otherwise, it is on with the backpack, and start walking.

Part of the reason for this, is not so much the expectation of any help, for I expect nothing- indeed, you have already done so much for me, it might be greedy to expect any more.

But it is about feeling as though I am worthy of asking for help. Am worthy of being helped.

BECAUSE- if I feel worthy, then I will think my fellow man if worthy.

& this has to be good- for everyone.

I need help with this- anything you can do, any contacts you might have, any suggestions as to where I carry out this charity walk, any help you can give me in real terms to set up a charity 'Walk Against Child Abuse', that I might be able to make my contribution to changing the situation, doing something about the insidious effects of child abuse not only on the victim, but on society at large. 

 

 

Any help you can give me would be appreciated; otherwise...

 

I will flip a coin, and START WALKING!!

 

Thank you again...

Madness & Fury On the Road

I just caught up with "Mad Max Fury Road".  (I'm old and slow, whaddya want!) 

Wow.   What a mess.   But then, I realised, it's not made for me; it's a kids movie.   Plus, as I was watching the intro, I realised, the older I get, the less need I have for voiceover.

THAT is for kids as well- kids who haven't figured shit out yet.   It walks you through things, and the older you get, the less need you have for it. So, it's a generational thing, I guess. 

All of it. 

PLUS...the original Mad Max; there will never be another. 

I cannot let that go. 

So, to re-make the early ones?   I may well ask why, but I guess the answer is, as always, CASH.   Because this certainly didn't add much to the mythology. For me, it detracted. 

Maybe I'm too hung up on this evolving business, and should just stay the same, like Mad Max and George Miller and Batman & McDonalds & all the rest of it. 

But I CAN'T. 

At least Mad Mel has moved on...or at least, is trying to. 


I have to respect at least ATTEMPTS to evolve...


& Fury Road did the job for the kids, but did nothing for the adults. 

But then, of course, there are many other movies out there that ARE for the grown ups.

Or the wannabe grown ups. 


So...

Goodbye  Fury Road...goodbye Max, goodbye Rambo, and hello...


A place that is better than the movies.  

Life.



Who's in? 

Word is the Word...

I think one of the problems is with the language;

 

like the use of the words 'spiritual awakening' when in fact what we are talking about for many- including me- is a major upheaval of an aggregate collective pattern of behaviour doesn't quite cut it.

The fact is, I am the latest in a long line of men who have behaved badly and failed miserably.   No secret there, you know all this. I made a commitment to try to at least attempt to overcome this; it might be genetic, and the evidence points to it; as Dawkins said,

 

“Be warned that if you wish, as I do, to build a society in which individuals co-operate generously and unselfishly toward the common good, you can expect little help from biological nature.”

So, technically, it’s not your fault.  And if Dawkins is correct, and to be good goes against our nature, why argue with nature?? 

 

Perhaps this is just the way things are meant to be.

No sir...I don't like it.  If you claim to love your fellow man as I do, & you are serious about change, then you owe it to yourself to speak back to your genes. 

Again, Dawkins;  “Let us try to teach generosity and altruism, because we are born selfish. Let us understand what are our selfish genes are up to, because we may then at least have the chance to upset their designs, something that no other species has ever aspired to.”

 

So, it's really about evolution, isn't it?  It's a question of taking evolution by the throat and making it work.  Not just sitting back and hoping it will...park and pray mentality...but actually taking an ACTIVE INTEREST in your own evolution, performing an intervention on yourself, whatever you want to call it. 

 

One line I did like in 'Batman Versus Superman'...

 

"If life doesn't make sense- FORCE it to. "

 

Force your own evolution.  MAKE it happen.

 

It's a tough job, sure, unlearning generations of patterned behaviour.  Look, I'm not sure if I speak only of my own masculine patterns, whether I share these patterns in common with a large number of men.  I simply don't know.  There are good and bad men, just as there are good and bad women.  But SOMETHING is not working.    

 

And the language does not help.  

If all my stuff was just a collection of words for their own sake, then it would be self indulgent, wanting to be the thing, but only talking about it.  Talk talk talk.  Talk is cheap, unless you work one of those sex hotlines.  But words can be useful.  Crucial. 

Well…sadly…that is just the way it is. It is something we just have to talk- write our way through.

Because there is a saying- thoughts are things. So if thoughts are things, imagine how powerful words are!!

& words become actions.

So, if you make your thoughts, your words right- your actions will follow.

& I do this here with my friends because…

No one can do anything of value alone.

But I am serious about effecting change in my self and my behaviour through my words. 

If that is the case, then I need to scrutinise the language with the same degree of care that I do my own soul. 

Words like 'transcendence' & 'soul evolution' are problematic; they seem to say something about the destination, but describe little about the journey; how to get there.  They talk about wishing on a star, attaching your dreams to a star, but they say very little about the practical work that needs to be done.

That is my problem with the movie “I AM”. 

I wish we could all sit around cross legged, hold hands, and meditate our way into bliss, personal satisfaction and world peace. 

But life does not work that way.  Especially for someone like me who is holding himself to account for not only my OWN conduct, but generations of crappy behaviour. 

And for someone like me to shift that...

It's about language. 

Pardon my French, but I am descended from a shower of cunts. I have no choice but to use this kind of immediate language, because there really is no other word that better describes the family line. 

Especially my father.  & I would imagine, me.  It's not the best resume you ever saw, & I realise being raped and tortured as a child doesn't help matters much, but I didn't even have the courtesy to top myself early on.  I dragged myself from fiasco to the next, trying to make life work as a damaged soul, all the while thinking this was the way everyone lived. 

It's a kind of denial.  Trapped in a perpetual state of infancy- we the abused are simply children.  We really don't know any better. 

But...I woke up, looked around, smelled the shit, and realised...I wanted to grow up; if not to be a part of humanity again, then to at least contribute something of value, some account of my history, the abuse, and some perspective to share with others who may suffer similarly, the medical profession, whatever. 

And part of growing up is taking a look at our language.

Using expressions like 'following dreams' etc...you know the ones I'm talking about; 'don't sweat the small stuff', etc...

This kind of language is vague and ephemeral, and keeps you trapped in your infancy.  To grow up- one must speak like an adult. 

And then act like one. 

I'm not sure many of the men in my family did this.  Skipping one generation, for the most part, I am the latest in a long line of losers, failures, and bastards. 

In order to do something about this, seeing it in myself and changing it, I need to use this STRONG language.

Not get caught up in it- there is no point saying I am still a 'bastard' for I know from experience this keeps you in the prison.  The key to the cell door is acknowledging the pattern of behaviour, and changing it. 

That is my issue with new age stuff; we all know about the power of intention, and all that folderol. 

But anyone who has spent any degree of time on the planet with their eyes open knows that there is a lot more to life than that.

To be a human being takes a lot of very hard work, in most cases. So the new age talk- simply doesn't cut it.

It keeps us asleep. 

We hear that stuff about making dreams come true, we quit our jobs, and go off into the ether, and we wait for the power of prayer to bring us what we want.  We wait on the universe. Or god, or whatever, and we wait, and we wait...

until we realise...

we actually have to be god. 

Do it ourselves. 

 

So...there will be no more 'secrets' about the power of intention and the manifesting of dreams...

no more conversations with god...

 

there will be a only one 'conversation with me'.

Myself and I.  However the fuck many there are inside me.  

The crap stops here. 

The legacy of shitty behaviour ends with me. 

I have no children, so it really does.

I can't speak for my brother, & his children, but...

well, that is his business.

For me?

The words- direct language- to help me build a bridge from my crappy heritage, to a new world. 

A world built not on bullshit...


But on Truth.


& the truth is...



Do better. 


There is no option; it's no longer a choice, or a hobby...



It's a fact of life; do better, or die.


Men, women, all humanity...


'simply do better'. 




'make it so...'  

On Point...

This is one of the first films I ever saw in a cinema;

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ydvSGn82SE

 

'80 Steps to Jonah'.  Indeed, it WAS the first, if you don’t count ‘Wizard of Oz’ & ‘Sound of Music’, which I saw at school, in a shitty old hall.  They were very neat, sure, but not my first. 

 

I’m pretty sure 'Jonah' was the first actual cinema experience. 

 

Although, it might have been ‘Jason and the Argonauts’- I’m not sure.  My mind is fuzzy.  & I might be revising history, saying what I should say was my first, rather than what was.

 

Don't know why I do that; all I can say is, the memory of a child can be patchy.  Let's just say...it was 'Jonah', and leave it at that.  Anyway, the point is, even then, I knew there was something very special going on.  Sure, it was probably a pretty crappy movie- doesn't look much chop from the trailer, and I haven't seen it in it's entirety since...but for me, it seemed pretty damned magical.  All sorts of possibilities revealed themselves to me as a damaged young fellow, looking for an out. 

 

It just looked...larger than life. 

 

I don't care how bad the movie was- it was just...special. 

 

At that time in my life, I'm sure a lot of stuff looks worse now than it did then.  Although not everything. 

 

In any case- from that moment, over time cinema has become a passion.  I didn't manage to make much of my own stuff, but I can watch the hell out of other people's. 

 

One thing I can say for sure- your passion can be your best friend, or your worst enemy.  But you can say that about anything in life; everything has it's good points, and it's bad. & how you look at things, what is good and what is bad, depends on the person, and their perspective.  I've got some good in my life, and an awful lot of bad.  Was it worth it?  To be honest- I’m not sure;

 

 

you see, it’s not over yet.

 

You never really know for sure until it’s all over, and you take a look at the score card, what was useful, and what was not. 

 

What you could have done better- and what you fucked up.  

 

 

It’s like...you just never know. You follow your instinct- & just HOPE your instinct is intact to the point where it keeps you on track.  Not everyone is so lucky.  It often looks clear...after the fact.  'Life must be understood backward but lived forward'.

Nary a truer word spoken; if only we had this etched into our brains from the off. Maybe all our lives, the world, would be different.

Better.  

Or maybe not...

 

 

But if you're reading this? 

 

 

There's still hope..

 

 

You can do anything. 

 

 

It's just a matter of how you look at it...

 

 

 

Where you point your mind.

 

 

& what you do about it...

 

Analogue Jammin'...

So, I went into the Video Store (yes, we still have a video store in town, these backwater towns might have back water people in them who stick to backwater ways...but there is nothing wrong with that.) & I picked up a copy of Mad Max Fury Road. 

Bluray 3D. 

 

I don’t care about 3D- I never really did.   Just one of those gimmicks that wore off for me- I just want to see the story.

 

I don't need the bastard in my lap. 

 

So I get it home, and it doesn’t play on my brand new Bluray player. Apparently I need a 3D player AND a 3D TV.

I remember thinking, ‘I sure miss video. One format, that’s it.’ I don’t like a lot of choices.  Sure, you get great features with bluray and DVD, and great image quality, but I really feel like, in this day and age of downloading anything off the computer, and I mean ANYTHING...I kind of miss the days when it was not possible to get EVERYTHING your heart desires. 

 

I miss video shops. I miss tapes. 

I miss drive ins.

 

I have an analogue brain in a digital world, and even that is getting a bit patchy- fuzzy, like a shitty old VHS tapes, starting to shed, losing it's clarity, jamming in the machine...

 

Wrinkled, ready for the chuck...  

You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

Then I think about all the life I have wasted on bullshit.  Yikes.  I'm not going to bang on about it- I can feel myself getting dull these days;  I'm almost done. 

 

But all this stuff in my brain, about the things I've missed, the things I have lost, regrets...

I blame 3D for all this nonsense. Getting me all riled up about stuff I can't fix if I want to.  

Waste of valuable life.   

 

It’s official; I am now a grumpy old bastard. 

 

 

HOWEVER...I do know this; I'm not alone.  AND...like hacking into your disc machine to make it region free, you CAN hack into happiness, contentment, fulfilment, meaning. 

 

You just need the right code.

 

THAT MUCH this old analogue brain knows.

 

 

You just gotta' find that access code...

 

And you're in.  

 

 

We were all born with a chance. 

 

 

And every single one of us has that chance...

 

 

To hack in.  Turn on.

 

 

 

Drop in... 

 

 

 

Again.    

 

A million things...

I posted this to my special friend, but I really think I would like to share the joy;

I hope she doesn't mind- I don't think she will. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWGxYlQudOA

I think you all might get something out of this tune. 

I know you're all busy, we are all little boys and girls with big jobbies to do, but if you have a minute or two up your sleeve, take it and listen to this. 

On the syrupy side? I think so. An echo from a time long dead? Maybe; I'm not sure life was any easier back then, I'm not so sure life was simpler...people wax lyrical about times gone by, get melancholic, nostalgic...I think this is bogus. 

Life is as tough or as easy as you make it. I made my life one tough sumbitch because that's just the way I was raised. The next person may have done it different. How do I know. 

Just...all I'm saying, is release the metal traps from your brain for a second, take a deep breath, close the door, and leave the outside world out there (it'll still be there when yr done), and listen to the words of this song. feel the music.   skip around like an idiot if you like, no one cares;

just...feel. 

you're dead a long time. 

so live...

feel...

love...


amen.

Is...

"I tell it like it is".  

Have you heard people say this?  

I thought I was bloated and full of myself, but to say this...

Imagine thinking you not only knew the way 'it is', but updated all and sundry about it?  


As William Goldman said, 'nobody knows anything', & I concur.  It's speculation at best; opinion.  

If someone tells you they 'tell it like it is', tell them what a boot and an anus is.

In fact, show them; in an uncertain world, I think we can be pretty near sure what these are.  

(unless the person is a loved one, in which case...what can I say. yr on your own.)

Epic

So...the book has everything in it- everything is covered, all the elements are there, all the themes, everything I want to cover I have, but the toughest job is putting it all in order.

 

& it will need to be in order; otherwise no one will want to read the bastard. 

 

Order wanted; because if I can get the book in order then I can get my brain, and my life, in order.

 

Trouble is, the scope is EPIC. I don't say this out of arrogance- epic as in big, and big is big.  We all are agreed, Godzilla is big, and it's radiated dino big. 

 

I step outside myself and look at it as a casual observer.   (I can do this- my affliction allows it.)

 

It is one of the best books I have ever read, & belongs upon the shelf along with all my favourites.

Arrogant?  Well, the thing is, I hate my work; I always have.  So, it's a nice change to feel so positive about the brute.  I hope you will make allowance, and take into account what might seem self indulgent.  I'm simply proud of it.  In a life that hasn't much to be proud of...this is really something special.  But it is HUGE...the job is massive.

 

So much covered; it takes into account not only what is going on inside me, the contents of my brain, but also the world, the human race, the future,

is this narcissistic? Bombastic? Bloated? Self indulgent?

second guessing myself again; so self critical, like most writers.  It's a balancing act, between arrogance and pride.  But I have suffered and struggled...I reckon I have earned the right to feel something positive for a change. 

If my heart is in the right place, which it is, then my pride should narrowly avoid a fall.  

 

The world and the way it is set up made so many of us ill; so, correcting myself, making myself well, with the word, with this work, may even have some influence on the well being of the world.

 

In other words, if each one of us takes care of our mental well being, and turns our life into a sacrament to humanity...then this contributes to the well being of all humanity.

Like what the TM movement is getting at. 
  

 

I reckon this is actually a good thing.

 

Has to be better than just giving up, and falling into a heap, right?

 

 

Balance...

 

          

We shall see.

De-frag

Don't be too hard on yourself; remember, every time you walk out that door, you are effectively leaving yourself at the mercy of a destructive universe.  I don't know everything about entropy, but I do know that in basic terms, the universe is designed to fall apart.

And apparently this is accelerating! 

So you...every molecule, every fibre of your being, your intellect, you mental agility...ALL of it is being assaulted and assailed by forces that want to tear it all apart. 

& each time you walk out your front door, you are basically allowing the equilibrium, the balance of your existence to be challenged, attacked, dismantled by forces that are infinitely bigger than you. 

With every second, minute, hour and every day of your life...it all falls apart.

Don't forget this. 

I think most of you are doing a phenomenal job, battling the destructive forces at work in the grand scheme of things that conspire to destroy us, and fuck us up. 

I don't know how you do it, and still keep a smile on your face. 

You inspire me...


Three cheers to you...