Epic

So...the book has everything in it- everything is covered, all the elements are there, all the themes, everything I want to cover I have, but the toughest job is putting it all in order.

 

& it will need to be in order; otherwise no one will want to read the bastard. 

 

Order wanted; because if I can get the book in order then I can get my brain, and my life, in order.

 

Trouble is, the scope is EPIC. I don't say this out of arrogance- epic as in big, and big is big.  We all are agreed, Godzilla is big, and it's radiated dino big. 

 

I step outside myself and look at it as a casual observer.   (I can do this- my affliction allows it.)

 

It is one of the best books I have ever read, & belongs upon the shelf along with all my favourites.

Arrogant?  Well, the thing is, I hate my work; I always have.  So, it's a nice change to feel so positive about the brute.  I hope you will make allowance, and take into account what might seem self indulgent.  I'm simply proud of it.  In a life that hasn't much to be proud of...this is really something special.  But it is HUGE...the job is massive.

 

So much covered; it takes into account not only what is going on inside me, the contents of my brain, but also the world, the human race, the future,

is this narcissistic? Bombastic? Bloated? Self indulgent?

second guessing myself again; so self critical, like most writers.  It's a balancing act, between arrogance and pride.  But I have suffered and struggled...I reckon I have earned the right to feel something positive for a change. 

If my heart is in the right place, which it is, then my pride should narrowly avoid a fall.  

 

The world and the way it is set up made so many of us ill; so, correcting myself, making myself well, with the word, with this work, may even have some influence on the well being of the world.

 

In other words, if each one of us takes care of our mental well being, and turns our life into a sacrament to humanity...then this contributes to the well being of all humanity.

Like what the TM movement is getting at. 
  

 

I reckon this is actually a good thing.

 

Has to be better than just giving up, and falling into a heap, right?

 

 

Balance...

 

          

We shall see.