Australia calling

 

 

This is Australia calling.

Thank you again for all your encouragement & support. 

 

Now that I have a handle on the book, I will continue to polish it, to try to get it just right; however, it doesn't really have a satisfying ending.

I figure once I have that, then everything else will come together.

Many writers make sure they know the ending before they start; however, not this little black duck. This is not a work of fiction, it is my life, so I don't really know what the ending is.

I guess none of us do.

But I figure it would be wise to at least move in the direction of a satisfying denouement.  

Which is where you guys come in.

Now, I have to admit, I never imagined I would ever write a book worth anybody reading- but now it seems I have.  I always hated my writing, almost as much as I hated myself.   But now, I have written something that could easily sit on the shelf alongside Celine, Vonnegut, Brautigan, Saroyan, & you can imagine how hard it is for someone like to me to give myself any kind of credit.

For anything.

 

& I am even beginning to feel that I might just be a person of value.   When you begin to do the work you are truly meant to do, it is gradually empowering.  It gives you a reason to live.

It's about evolution; changing many generations of patterned behaviour, and making the choice to break that pattern, and lead a new way of life. 
 

Which is why this process is so protracted, and so laborious. It is good old fashioned hard work, and I appreciate you hanging in there with me. 

I am doing what I was made to do; I was put here to write, and to create, and to evolve, and serve.

I might have come to it a little late, but I had a few issues to deal with along the way, as you know.  As we all have.  I'm nothing special. 
 

And my development as a person has a great deal to do with you.

Who would have thought, my FB friends would save my life.

But they have; you kept me alive, when there was really no good reason to do so; & you helped me find within myself what I needed to realise my lifelong dream, writing a book worth a damn, and I appear to have done that.

 

Now...I call upon you again.

 

I have always had to do things alone; I never felt worth a damn, so I never expected or imagined I was worthy of help. To be fair, even when it was offered, I usually rejected it- for a variety of reasons, most of which you will be familiar with.

Most of which stem from a sense of unworthiness.

This is not new- I didn't invent it, lots of people struggle with it.

But, I'm tired of it. 

I am worthy, or you wouldn't be here; you don't hang out with dickheads.

There must be something of value here, so I will explore that. 

Instead of walking away from me in my time of need, as many people have (& I do NOT blame them), you have stood by me.   Never giving up.

There are a couple of comments in particular that have stuck with me, and inspired me to keep going. One friend said,

 

'You are a truly a man of understanding & honest truth and (amongst other qualities you have) I admire that so much xx'

Another said, 'You have come so far... I can truly feel the difference in your energy and the mojo of you with how it touches me. I am blown away by how you have evolved so much and continue to do so...that perpetual child who is still learning and going about life now with wide-eyed innocence. You are a strong man. A very beautiful and shiny soul.  I've always fought for you and stood by you because I have always seen that in you...to know what is there and to wait for the full metamorphosis "of you" to come fully about.'

And another comment, 'You are far too interesting a person to let go of without a bit of a fight.'

WOW.  What amazing words.  People- decent human beings- took time to tell me these things. 

Some of them I have wronged in the past. 

In sickness and in health...

 

 

What strength; what integrity.  To stand by a person, no matter what they do. 

 

BUT- this kind of goodwill cannot go on forever.

These people are not playthings. 
 

 

If at some point, you do not show at least some effort to make manifest what these people see in you, then you deserve to be dumped like a hot log. 

 

In the nearest sewer.

Fight for me?

 

Wow. 

 

You fight for me?

 

Then I fight for you. 

 

Mankind IS worth fighting for; you have shown me that, time and again. 

Despite my shitty start, my crappy middle act- it is worth making good.

 

It's about redemption.

 

And one person's redemption works for ALL of us.

 

'Changing the world, one person at a time', I said of one of my friends.   

 

Wow.  People here are willing to FIGHT for me?

 

Do you realise how much words like this mean to a guy who was raised by his father to think he was an eternal piece of shit?

Do you imagine for a second I would turn around a take a big dump all over these words?

No...I am going to embrace them; because if you believe in me, if you think I am WORTH fighting for, then I am going to build on my progress, and continue to heal, and grow, and contribute and serve.

Sure, what I have may be genetic, even watching Superman Returns the other night, where Lex Luther says "Crystals, they're amazing aren't they?  They inherit the traits of the minerals around them, kind of like a son inheriting the traits of his FATHER!!"

 

So this stuff weaves it's way into every nook and cranny of our culture.  

 

That's because it IS pervasive. 

 

Maybe the strong amongst us can talk back to our genes.

The weak, obviously, cannot. But the strong...

CAN.

I want to be strong.  I want to PROVE it, not just claim it.

You give me the strength I need to find the strength I need within me.

Now, I owe it to you and myself to take the ball and run with it even further; not rest on the laurels of a realised dream, a finished book, but to keep on going.

 

Doing something for others, rather than for myself.

Given that a crucial element of this book, of my film, and indeed my life story is to be able to look outside myself and my own interests, and apply my energy to the interests of others.

It is no secret- and many of you have figured this out- that one useful way of overcoming existential angst is to direction your attention to the health and well being of others.

I never quite got this; I mean, I understood it in theory, but understanding something is not the same as acting upon it, making it happen.

I am ready to make it happen, but I need your help.

In another life, I used to run charity walks raising money against youth suicide.  So I know and take a deep breath when I think of what I am proposing. 

I want to do a walk somewhere in America- preferably in a desert- where I can shine a light on some of these issues, and try to bring about some change in the mindset of those humans who cause damage to other human beings. 

 

In particular, children. 

 

You know my position on child abuse; it causes an enormous amount of damage, and I can say this from experience.  It causes an incalculable about of harm, to the victim, and to those around the victim for the rest of their lives. 

 

I think we all accept that; & agree.  & no doubt, we are all in agreement that raising money for the financing of measures designed to put an end to child abuse are good things. 

 

Everything from research into the effects of abuse, counselling for abusers, and support services for victims.  All good stuff. 

 

The trick is, convincing people to participate.    

You see, in my experience, it is hard to mount a charity walk.  In this country, I had to go through a POWER of shit to get people to get involved. 

 

That's just the way it is; no point getting upset about it. 

 

My job is to make it WORTH people getting involved. 

 

My job is to INSPIRE them, not get shitty and dirty because I cannot make it so.

 

For that is MY fault- not theirs. 

 

I have to make it attractive. 

 

Early days; & my view is, it is not as if people do not care- they are exhausted from caring; what is it- compassion fatigue??

 

Nowadays, I am thinking that people care now, more than ever.  Not all people, but enough care about our future to make it worthwhile.

But they have to be sold on the idea.

 

It is not enough to simply say child abuse is bad.  People know that, and to act as if they don't, is to insult their intelligence.  So this is a given.

 

It is not enough to say you 'want to raise money';  how much money?  How?  And where does the money go?  etc etc etc...

 

That is the point of this missive.  To establish the guidelines for a massive charity push on behalf of the abused in our society- both the young, and the old. 

 

All ages. 

 

Families, friends, and the wider community. 

 

Because abuse causes psychological damage that cannot be calculated or measured, and touches every corner of society.

 

So...it's about the project, and it's perceived value.    

Here is the deal; I love to walk.  And walk.  And walk.  It’s one thing I love to do.  I’m not good at much in life, but I can walk like a mofo.  

 

I guess I have spent my life wandering- lost.  I figure, if I’m going to be wandering anyway…might as well wander with a good reason. 

‘WACA’. 

 

Walk Against Child Abuse.

 

Along those lines, anyway.   

As a victim myself, who has suffered the consequences of abuse, I would like to not only prove the effects of torture, rape and violence can not only be overcome-

 

But the victim can survive, thrive, and move onto a place where they are NO LONGER a victim...

 

But a SURVIVOR.

 

 

I am proposing that even when a human being has lost it all, and has seemingly nothing left to give…whatever the reasons…when they stand at the precipice, they can either dive into the chasm, the abyss and join the dark forces of hatred, fear, loathing, or they can suck it up and get out there. 

 

Try again.  Have another go. 

 

Try to contribute something to society…even if you think you have nothing. 

Anything that comes from the heart…no matter how outlandish…has to be better than taking the lazy route of surrender to those dark forces. 

 

For then...the abuser wins. 

 

& they DO NOT deserve to. 

 

 

I have seen people cringe when I propose a charity walk.

There are always a million excuses; too hard, too involved, too busy, no one will care…

I would say now they HAVE to care.

We have to TRY things.  And why is this idea any worse than anyone else’s, just because it seems old, worn out?

Done to death?

‘Not another walk!’

Normally I would dismiss this idea, saying it is ‘too hard’, or it ‘won’t work’.  However, these are not normal times.  As a society, I don’t think we have a choice anymore. 

 

 

A walk.  A long walk.  

Where, exactly?  What distance?  How will it be done?

I’m not sure yet. Early days. 

Cairns has always been on my list; I have long held a dream that I might walk from the top end, right down to the bottom. HOWEVER- there is a distinct lack of interest.

I know for a fact that an old friend of mine did something similar, a charity endurance exercise from the top to the bottom, and she almost killed herself for very little return. And she was 100, even 1000 times the person I am. So, if I were to attempt something similar, I would need a little bit of interest- just a whisker- because nothing worth doing can be done alone.

A walk between Vegas and Los Angeles? There is a little more interest.

But there is even MORE interest in a walk around Lake Michigan.

Which is why I turn my sights on America. I love it there, and the people are can do. Things of this type are more likely to get done, and quicker; it's a bit like, why do Aussies go to Hollywood to work in film? Because America does it so well.

America does these types of visionary things so well.

America has the resources and the can do attitude for this type of thing, whereas, even if Australia had the resources, she would not spend it on films, culture, arts, charity walks, etc.

It's not a criticism- countries, like people, are simply different- that's all.

In Australia, some people are only now waking up to the reality of mental illness. Most doctors here don't even think it exists. They think it is like ghosts, or UFO's;

 

I love Edwin in 'Hotel Sorrento', who suggests, 'Take Hamlet; an Australian could never have written that.  You'd have Hamlet walking on the stage, saying 'Cut the bullshit, I don't believe in ghosts, and the whole thing would be over in a couple of minutes'. 

 

Aussies are often sceptical, to the point of paralysis. 

 

This scenario illustrates not only the scepticism in a nutshell, but indeed the attitude to any kind of artistic or creative thinking. This isn't simple sour grapes- I will do my art, my writing in a cave on the walls in my own blood if I have to- nor is it a judgement; this is simply reality;

Let me STRESS this...I take a very dim view of tossers who run away to other countries then take a giant dump on their own country.  I would never do that.  The fact is- most Aussie Doctor's would not know a mental illness if it reared up and bit them on the arse.  And many of them do. 

Psychiatrists for the most part have no idea.  I had one once that just sat there like a stale bottle of urine, saying nothing.  Most medicos don't believe there is any such thing as mental illness.  So, this is the facts- we don't do understanding mental illness well.  The general prescription is 'SNAP OUT OF IT', which displays a very rudimentary understanding of the complexities indeed. 

America has a much better understanding of the phenomena.  And it's the same with the arts; it is no secret Australia has very little interest in the arts; we are mainly interested in the booze and football industry.  We don't even make cars anymore.  & we once LOVED them. 
   

America KNOWS art exists, is not fantomas, and that is why there is a factory town devoted to one arm of it.   Just as she KNOWS mental illness exists- for they have had it in their oval office many times over their history, and are about to get another dose of it, with potentially the worst Wetiko in history about to take the title- but they realise the extent to which it threatens the future of mankind, & they are actively devoting resources to doing something about it.

If it were down to our so called medical specialists, in this country, I would be dead. 

Part of the reason I am still alive is my connection with America. 

 

Why don't I piss off there?  Because I love my country, & would like to do more work in the field of mental illness, domestic abuse, child torture, etc, and bring what I have learned back. 

I accept my country may not want to know about it...but I can only try. 

America has done nothing but try to help me. 

 

Australia?  Ambivalent.  Anachronistic.  Stubborn, and set in old thinking. 

Not the country's fault- you wouldn't belt an infant for being naiive. 

Our culture- white man's culture- is in it's infancy, and seeing as how we have basically refused to pay any attention to indigenous wisdom- we seem to be cutting and pasting our own shit together. 

If I am going to cut and paste something together- then give me the US; because at least they are OPEN to new ideas.  Sure, this allows a lot of crap, and you see this on the internet, but America will listen to your idea, no matter how outlandish. 

 

America actually listens to people who have something to say about child abuse, who have 'been there', who know something about where it comes from, they see what a threat to humanity it is, and they are doing something about it, on a grass roots level. We cannot control who gets into the oval office, that is true, but thank god it does not matter. Because as the world gets madder, mental illness spreads, the PEOPLE will speak, and will rise up against the tide of insanity.

As Professor Barnhardt says to Klaatu, "Well that's where we are. You say we're on the brink of destruction and you're right.  But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. This is our moment. Don't take it from us, we are close to an answer.'

 

This, from a Hollywood movie.  It is easy to trash Hollywood movies, but there are times when there is the most profound wisdom contained therein.  

 

America is responsible for some unimaginable horrors; but what wisdom, what insight their eclecticism provides.  Even by accident, America is capable of the most extraordinary profundity. 

 

There is a saying, 'go where the action is', and that is what I am doing.

As you have been so supportive, I will call upon you again.

I can do this alone, if I have to; but I thought it was worth asking for help; reaching out, to see if anyone knew anybody who might be able to assist.

Otherwise, it is on with the backpack, and start walking.

Part of the reason for this, is not so much the expectation of any help, for I expect nothing- indeed, you have already done so much for me, it might be greedy to expect any more.

But it is about feeling as though I am worthy of asking for help. Am worthy of being helped.

BECAUSE- if I feel worthy, then I will think my fellow man if worthy.

& this has to be good- for everyone.

I need help with this- anything you can do, any contacts you might have, any suggestions as to where I carry out this charity walk, any help you can give me in real terms to set up a charity 'Walk Against Child Abuse', that I might be able to make my contribution to changing the situation, doing something about the insidious effects of child abuse not only on the victim, but on society at large. 

 

 

Any help you can give me would be appreciated; otherwise...

 

I will flip a coin, and START WALKING!!

 

Thank you again...