Talk about god of mischief…
I must run this by you…just in case I am finally taking that last escalator downward, into irreversible Madness.
I wrote a blog yesterday & I had a couple of versions of it- as per usual. Just in case you read it…I called the piece ‘LIKE DRAGON’. I was talking about the whole ‘like’ button phenomena, the approval of people’s posts, etc. I wrote a passage about how I thought it might be possible the lust for ‘likes’ may say something about us as people, the way we were brought up, our unique personality quirks, etc.
I know in my case…I am not so much addicted to ‘likes’; I am scared of saying the wrong thing, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised…I was afraid of being beaten for it. A complex neurosis, that would need more space to explore than a blog, & it is not my intention to do that here now, but merely make mention of what is often behind such questions as, ‘why didn’t I get a like’?
You see, I thought it was only me who thought about these type of things. Not true. Many of us busy our already busy brains with ephemera and trivia. So much of what we do here and out in the world is a direct reflection of something that happened in our formative years. Some random event in our young life can drive a pattern of neurosis, ensuring we push a slow handcart full of manure into hell. In my opinion, once we can confront these sorts of things… we can set ourselves free for much more nourishing endeavours.
SO…I talked about how, in my case, it is not uncommon for me to comment on something someone else has said…& if they do not like it? I wonder why…assume I said something wrong…& brace myself to be ‘beaten’, in the same way I was by father.
Beaten, de-friended, blocked…you get the picture.
Pathetic stuff, really.
You could argue someone like me is pathological and should NOT be let near a social network, let alone a ‘like’ button! & you may have a point. I could easily go away somewhere quiet & silence myself forever. However…I am essentially a social creature, & have not given up on the possibility that I might have something constructive to society, & so I do my best. Along the way, I think it is always worth recognising thee little human quirks…& the response from people to my blog was encouraging. It meant, that others experience some of the same personality quirks. Desire for approval, fear of rejection, etc. &it really touched me to see that a handful of people admitted that the yen for approval was an addiction.
The first step to recovery.
This brings people closer together…& even though to my mind there are much worse addictions…they can be annoying, and can also reveal deeper darker neurosis.
But I won’t revisit the theme any further beyond that.
But I did want to make mention that I ended the discussion in question by saying something about how people end up ‘chasing the dragon’…of course, a reference to heroin addiction, and I fell upon a witty title, ‘Like Dragon’, based I guess on the character the ‘Luck Dragon’ in ‘The Never-ending Story’, to denote one possible way of viewing the phenomena of ‘chasing likes’ in a light hearted way.
So, I settled on the version of the blog I was happy with, made a few adjustments, saved it onto a USB, and pasted it into the blog template.
I published, and posted, and went back over the final version as I usually do…& much to my dismay…
the final version was missing the passage that explained my reasoning for the title. The ‘chasing the dragon stuff’. Which meant…
the title made no sense.
I could not find the passage anywhere.
&even if I had found it…by the time I noticed the error…50 or 60 people had read it, so…it is kind of pointless.
I still cannot find it. & I save religiously.
Now…it’s really no big deal. My blog is just my Dear Diary…but now so many people are actually reading it…
I like to make sure I send out the best version possible.
It’s spooky; the entire section that tied everything together…
Gone.
Some jobs are hard enough, but when things like this conspire against you…it is like the universe is fucking with you.
I need to ask you…is it just me…or is there a trickster spirit out there, fucking with you in small but very fucking annoying ways???
Or does he only hate me???
I cannot wait to find out how the little bastard mangles this blog…
I wait with baited breath.
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