I'm not going to bang on about it forever as I usually do...actually, no, I might. I start out with good intentions to be brief and succinct- but I noticed things never go that way. I guess when you have something to say- & I always have summat to say- then I guess it takes as long as it takes.
So here goes. At the top of the hour, I just want to say that you people are extremely good to me.
Over the years, you have made me a better writer, & more importantly, a better man.
FB is actually a pretty handy place for a writer- in fact any artist, really- to thrash out ideas. Run them by people. The kind of stuff I write- basically personal development- is pretty heavy going.
Sometimes, it seems like I am dealing with the same stuff, over and over again.
& I would not challenge you on that. It might seem that way.
See...when I was a kid, I was always in the remedial class. I was a bit of a drop-kick. & things haven't changed much; I am a slow coach for sure, and some ideas, no matter how obvious they are to others, can take a long time to sink in with me.
Maybe TOO long.
Stuff like how to be a good man.
However, I know it is important, to me and my own self actualization, but more importantly it is important to other human beings I share this patch of turf with.
So...I tend to thrash it all out here. ALL of it.
I try to reconcile all sorts of conflicts I have going inside me- & they MUST be reconciled, not because they are an amusing diversion, but because if I do not...
they spill out onto other people. This is known as projecting.
It's why we love war so much. We don't feel good about ourselves, for a variety of reasons, and in order to assuage that eternal self dissatisfaction...we turn it outward by blasting the living shit out of others. & it's NOT cool.
The most important conflict inside me (& there are MANY) is knowing what inside me is simply who I am, & integral to my own unique personality, and what is just junk I have accumulated on the hard drive over the years from bad programming and conditioning.
It's a balancing act; I want to get rid of rubbish that doesn't serve me anymore, but on the other hand...I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
& I am a bit of a baby; abuse tend to trap you in a perpetual state of arrested development, so in a way, I am spoonfeeding myself stuff that hopefully will help me mature as a person.
Including unloading bad habits...thoughts, patterns...stuff that goes around like a merry go round.
Terence McKenna said, 'Habit is circular behaviour', and he is dead right. I often find the same stuff coming up here, and I deal with it, often in slightly different ways, until I get the lesson.
& when I do...I can move on.
I find this is a great place to thrash out some pretty heavy shit, so that I can at least go home and sit down at my work desk and deal with these matters in a much more civilised manner.
You see...by the time I have gone through them here, & you have had a chance to give me the feedback I sorely need...things are much clearer by the time I get to the book.
& they need to be. The book MUST be tight and disciplined, if it is to have any credibility at all.
I can do my rough work here...so that I can sit and do the solid stuff at home.
However...I don't intend to sit on this merry go round forever. I can see a time in the not too distant future, where I will be ready to get off the merry go round altogether, be an adult, and move on.
You help me do that; time and again. You never get shitty with me (well, some of you do) but we seem to find a way to get through it friendship intact.
This is important. I need for you to STOP...
& acknowledge how much you mean to me.
How much you DO for me, just by being here and being supportive.
I will never be able to repay you, but I guess, I can start by giving you this virtual cake!
& I suppose I could also make sure every day I think about how I can do better, and be better.
Not for you, of course; well, not entirely...because I feel somewhat accountable to my friends, and that is important...But for me.
Because let's face it; in the end...
we have to look ourselves in the mirror.
One day I will be someone you can be proud of.
I will achieve all my dreams; & that 'aint easy.
I can feel it; I am on the verge of finishing the book I was put here to write.
Your patience...helped me to write that book.
Make my dream come true.
I knew nothing about writing until I met you.
& you taught me...to PERSIST.
Keep hammering away, each and every day, until the dawn breaks through.
And all that work...starts to make sense.
& I hop off the merry go round...
& move forward into a better future.
So...
THANK YOU...
& wishing you peace love and happiness all your days,
from your loyal and faithful friend,
John Warwick Arden
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